There is always a way back to the arms of the Father.
I had a friend, a persistent friend; he wouldn’t leave me alone about that being saved and God stuff.
He kept inviting me to church. I wasn’t being difficult, nor did I have anything against God. I just didn’t understand this business about being saved. Nobody had ever explained God’s plan of salvation to me, not really.
When people asked me if I was saved, I’d look at them strange, saved from what? I’d tell them, no, I’m not saved, but I do believe in God.
When I first said the prayer is a blur to me, it was sometime in high school. I said a prayer but it took a bit for me to experience God.
It was those later experiences with God that have been the strength of my faith.
At some point a friend did invite me to a revival. I was saved but I needed deliverance. There were intense strongholds over my mind and behaviors.
I came forward for prayer that night. Up to that point, I had never had anyone pray for me; I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like the lady in the Bible, IF I CAN JUST TOUCH JESUS, I WILL BE MADE WHOLE!!
The man prayed for me and the power of God came upon me heavily. I collapsed under this weight. I laid there for a very long time, unable to get up. I literally could not stand to my feet.
The best visualization I can paint for you is it was like a great waterfall from the sky was washing over me. I remember feeling as if I was swimming in water. Even now, when I read about all of the water and fountain imagery in the Bible, it makes me think of this night. I’ve had many encounters with God since, but nothing as powerful as what I felt that evening.
As I went about my day the following week, I remember it being like I had some sort of MIND TRANSPLANT. I no longer could think the things I thought previously.
Later on I found a church to attend regularly. Unfortunately I don’t think I ended up in a good place. The church had questionable teachings. Yet, I being a new Christian, and no one to steer me right, I didn’t know. I lacked any sort of foundation in my faith. As I look back, I think this is partly why I ended up leaving the faith years later.
I went to church religiously and prayed, but the truth was, inside I was full of guilt. I still wrestled with things like anyone else. I think part of me believed if I read my Bible enough, if I attended church enough, all of these things I didn’t like about myself would fade away.
I studied scripture, but I largely didn’t get it. I also found myself struggling to even concentrate as I read the words.
An internal cry:
I want to know God, I want to live right…
Except, when I didn’t, I ended up with a lot of shame (I think many Christians can relate). At some point, some things happened at that church that made it clear I needed to get out of there and get out of there fast. The teachings got weirder and weirder. The music got louder and louder and then they finally brought in a known charlatan. I suddenly began noticing things I’d overlooked. People wearing extravagant things and driving luxury cars.
When I left this church, I wished I could tell you I remained on the path.
Unfortunately I did not. I lost my way. I became a scientist (I was a chemist for 10 years). I got my head wrapped up in a lot of books. I studied other religions (which I’m glad I did!). I made friends that were VERY much in the world. I got far from God and soon my heart was hardened. This Christianity stuff seemed like a bunch of nonsense. Maybe partially right, but certainly misleading.
Fast forwarding many years later I had one of the worst years of my life. I lost a lot of things and it left me angry inside; it left me numb. I remember at times I’d even taunt God and tell him how much I despised him. I felt forsaken by him. I would have never thought I’d come back, I was too far gone.
However, God had other plans for me. He hadn’t let go of me………………..
One day I was sitting on my couch, not really looking for God, but inside of me spoke a voice so clearly, “Maybe you should read your Bible.” I don’t know when I opened it last, but it had been far too long. I’m eternally grateful I listened to his voice that day.
It was as if I had never read the Bible in my life. The words became ALIVE. The scripture gripped me inside and I was suddenly drawn into it.
I rededicated my life to Christ. I fell in love with God all over. I began studying early church history, trying to learn as much as I could. I spent a lot of time in prayer during this and God continues to do a work in me. I must tell you of his abilities- I battled with some things that I couldn’t get free from for over a decade. However, after about three days with intense time with God, I was set free. It was as if he took the desires from my bones.
That’s me today. This website is partially me trying to catch up on lost time.
I don’t see myself as belonging to any particular denomination; however, I do currently attend an independent Methodist church. I chose this church because I felt the love of God there unlike any other place I had went. As I told someone-what difference does it make if the preaching is great, if the theology is great, if the church has this or that if no one LOVES one another. Charity and Love are the greatest of all! Yes, sometimes I wished they’d sing a bit louder and talk about that pesky devil more, but I’ll tolerate them if they’ll tolerate me!!